a mother's compass

**DISCLAIMER** this post is real and honest and I'm laying it all out there.  If your not up for that you may want to stop reading now.


....alright, I warned you.


This post has been "sitting" with me for awhile.  I have taken up the strange habit of using my voice memo app on my iphone as I drive along I20 (my usual long trip) to record ideas that pop into my head.  This one came to me as I was driving along and reflecting on how and when I should discipline Margaret.  I started to wonder what was driving me to make certain decisions as a parent. Why is it not ok for Margaret to do one thing but then another mother finds that certain behavior acceptable in their child?  Yes, there are so many different schools of thought when it comes to parenting.  But what is really driving my parenting?  What makes me make the decisions that I make for Margaret?  I think as a christian it is easy to say that God and prayer are what drive your decisions.  And while I believe this to be true and I think prayer is/should be a HUGE part of a Christian's life-it is how we apply the information/guidance that God gives us through this prayer that directs our lives.  I guess this is where I should place a second disclaimer: I am in no way a theologist or am I trying to be.  I am just a christian, wife, mom sometimes wannabe philosopher who really enjoys discussing the gray areas of life.  And on this particular day a few months ago I got to thinking about what was prompting me to make certain decisions for my child and family.  I was and still am trying to make sure that my compass is being guided as authentically as possible.   I think a "misguided" compass was part of the reason I struggled with postpartum anxiety and postpartum depression.  I set out on the journey into motherhood really wanting to do everything naturally and just "right"- just perfect.  I knew that I wanted a natural, unmedicated birth so I started to read everything I could get my hands on in the way of natural parenting.  I ordered a subscription to Mothering Magazine the second the pee strip on my pregnancy test had a plus sign!  When my beautiful baby arrived in just the beautiful, natural way I planned it I was ecstatic.  I could put a pretty little check mark in that box of my perfect natural parenting list.  Are you beginning to see where I am going with this?  So, when I got my baby home and co-sleeping was not working for us, and I wasn't comfortable wearing my baby every minute of the day something in me started to say you are failing.  Look at your check list!  It's not complete!  And then I would go on the message boards and read different blogs and articles and every little comment kept bouncing around in my head.  "leaving your child alone in their room is the equivalent to a mother wolf leaving her cub in the wild for a predator to attack"  "my friends and I refer to exersaucers as the circles of neglect" I started to doubt myself and my choices so much I became literally frozen in fear - fear that I would make the wrong decision.  Two particular incidents stand out in my mind.  One I was in my daughter's room and had just put her down to sleep for the night.  I couldn't decide wether or not to turn her night light on or off.  I had read two conflicting opinions on this and I was literally standing in the middle of her room frozen not knowing what to do.  Secondly, when I finally went to my doctor for treatment he prescribed me to Zoloft.  I immediately went online and "researched" all I could look up on Zoloft and breast feeding.  Although my doctor assured me Zoloft was safe I had to find out what my natural community had to say.  My husband looked at me (literally, bless his soul)  and said "Meghan, you are anxious about your anxiety medicine.  Shut the computer now"  Best advice ever.   Somedays you just need to shut the computer, put down the parenting book or magazine, tune out the well-intended friend, pour a glass of wine and say a prayer.  (Call me blasphemous but I pray and drink at the same time *gasp*)
Don't get me wrong, I still practice a lot of natural parenting ideas.  And I often refer to my natural online community for info and help with my parenting.  But I have also learned that I am never going to be perfect by anyone's standards-even Margaret's.  And truly, I don't want her to think I'm perfect or that I'm even striving for perfection because that will only let her down.  I want her to know that I am doing the best that I can for her and her daddy and her siblings to come AND for me.  I want her to see me trusting God to give me the guidance and direction that I need.  Yes, I may sometimes let my compass get out of wack and there are even moments that I will just be standing still not knowing which way to go.  But I know that God will never leave me alone on this journey.

to all the moms I've loved...

This post is dedicated to my favorite moms out there.  I have so many wonderful moms in my life.  I want to take this post to spotlight a few of the women/moms who have and continue to inspire, motivate, encourage, laugh and cry with me, share their knowledge and love.

to Nancy for showing me how to make a beautiful meal and home
to Cynde for having a heart that bursts with love
to Vicki for encouraging creativity in all of the children you come across (remember the big tub of art supplies you gave me?? best gift ever!)
to Jeannie for making us all laugh so hard we sometimes wet our pants
to Melissa for encouraging and nurturing me during my pregnancy and beyond (not to mention owning an amazing business while mothering a 4 yr old and a 2 yr old set of twins-all EBF!)
to Meredith for showing how strong and dedicated a single mother can be
to Kate for making sure I knew where to go and what to do with Margaret and for inspiring me with her continued strength and love of Christ
to Kristin for encouraging me and telling me I am a great mom and for her determination to breast feed even though she was recovering from a c-section and had barely any BF support
to KJ for her strength in managing a baby who didn't sleep and was colicky.  For showing me that I was not crazy and I was definitely not alone!
to Alima for being my nursing buddy and being my nutritional/parenting style advice line :)
to Brooke for always making sure Margaret and I have something to do and being the most creative and energetic mom I know!
to SK for encouraging and inspiring me
to Cristy for helping bring our sweet baby girl into this world in the most loving and peaceful way (not to mention homeschooling her 6, yes 6 children)
to Aimee for fighting for the health of her daughter and other children with heart conditions
to my friend CH who is fighting right now to have her precious daughter returned to her.
to my beautiful friend who wants nothing more than to be a mommy but for some reason God is having her wait.  I'm praying for you.

to my sweet mother in law who managed to raise 5 beautiful, God-fearing children with enough class and grace to fill the world up!  And for always treating me as one of her own.

To my beautiful mother who made being a mom her only ambition.  Who built us forts out of blankets, signed us up for every art, dance, music class available, let us spend the whole day in our PJ's if we wanted and basically just loved the snot out of us.

And to so many more moms that I couldn't fit on this list.  To the moms who gave me a pat on the back and said way to go for breast feeding, to the moms who have come forward and shared their own struggles with post-partum depression/anxiety.  To the moms who smile and give me that "I've been there" look when Margaret is throwing a fit in the grocery store and I don't know what to do.  To an old high school friend who I reconnected with on facebook that gave me nursing advice, to my birth class instructor who took my tear-filled call at 10:30pm despite having children and a job of her own.  Really, I could go on and on about how wonderful you moms are!

I hope all of you have a beautiful Mother's day that is free from doubting your abilities, comparing yourself to other moms and truly just filled with love and gratitude for all that you do.

blue for a day

I have been all up in arms over the FDA food-coloring debacle.  I have been trying to follow the hearings and wrap my mind around the idea that our government could decide that food coloring in our food is safe. Although other countries have already been labeling these additives as dangerous for awhile now.  So, needless to say this all has been at the forefront of my mind.  Flash-forward to this Tuesday-story time at the library.  The Misfit and I arrive to find out that it is the library's anniversary celebration.  There are balloons everywhere-which have become a recent favorite of M's.  Once we are seated at story time Miss Nay-Nay (the librarian who heads up story time) announces that she has a special treat for all of the children.  Mind you no child in the room is over 3 years of age.  She brings out a cart of cupcakes.  Turquoise, purple, yellow and hot pink iced cupcakes.  Internally I sigh.  Here we go...First off let me say that for Margaret's first birthday she did have a cake.  A hot pink bug covered cake.  She got to have a piece.  I am strict with her eating but I do make exceptions.  But this day it was 9:30am and I just didn't want her to have one.  So, I sit there holding Margaret in my lap as all of the other mothers walk by us with their children jumping for joy.  And then M starts to scream.  "Margaret's turn!" Margaret's turn! pupcake! pupcake!" So, I get all sweaty and try to calm her down and then I feel all the icing covered faces turn our way.  And then I just fold.  I march up front and grab a turquoise god-awful looking cupcake and hand it to my sweet baby girl.  She swipes all of the turquoise icing of the top and mushes it in her hands and wipes it on her shirt and then down the front of me.  Immediately following this she hands me the cupcake and says "all done."  Even though I folded and let the pressure of a toddler meltdown turn my good judgement in to mush my daughter had the presence of mind to know she didn't want to eat that crap.  That, or she just thought it was playdough.

Do you make exceptions in your children's diet for parties and special events?  What has worked for you and your family in these type of situations?

here we go again...

Can you hear Ray Charles crooning in your ear??  "Heeeerrrrreeee we gooooo again..."  That chorus has been playing over and over again in my head for the last few weeks.  Why, you ask?  Not only because I love Ray Charles-there is just something about that emotion-filled, scratchy ol' voice that gets me-but because we found out some surprising and exciting news over here in the Ratliff home.  Baby Ratliff #2 will be joining us in early November.  Yup, we are pregnant...again! We are very excited, surprised, a bit overwhelmed ect.  I will keep you posted on any updates.  Until then please pray that I begin to feel better soon.

I was so shocked by this near immaculate conception that I spent almost $50 on pregnancy tests

faux food friday

I love alliteration (yup I'm a big geek).  I also love food.  I love healthy yummy food.   The misfit loves food.  The yummy type-just not so much the healthy type.  So I try to get sneaky.  I have taken some recipes from Deceptively Delicious and tweaked them until they meet my kitchens guidelines (Jessica Seinfeld likes margarine and low fat reduced calorie things-I prefer REAL food. She also doesn't specify organic-my kitchen does)  Here are a few things that have been winning over even the more picky eater in my home.

mighty protein mac and cheese
1 box Gluten free pasta or whole wheat pasta (prepare from instructions on the box)
1/4 cup organic cheddar cheese (or any cheese for that matter cheddar is good because it gives the orange color and a good flavor) shredded
1-1 1/2 cups  cooked organic Navy beans (or 1 can if using canned)
a dash of garlic powder (to taste)
a dash of onion powder (to taste)
salt and pepper

dump beans, cheese and seasoning in food processor.  Add about a 1/4 cup hot water to food processor and blend until creamy.  Pour onto pasta while it is still warm and stir together.

The Navy beans give this pasta dish protein and fiber.

enjoy!

Do you have any healthy toddler friendly recipes that work at your house?

4 generations

Here are some pictures from our trip to Atlanta.  My grandfather and aunt flew in from Madison, WI and finally got to meet Margaret.  It was such a precious time!  And the misfit and Alexander had a blast together as usual.  The weather was gorgeous so we spent the majority of the time outside.  It was wonderful to be surrounded by family.

why it matters

this image is from the LLLI website

Finally today I have gotten my internet back.  After an unfortunate serious of events (mainly involving Butter chewing through our outdoor cable wires) all connection to the outside world has resumed.  So, I have been chomping at the bit to share this post with you all.  I had the most amazing experience last week.  It has touched me so much and reiterated to me that it is so important for us as women, mommas, people to share our experiences (good and ugly) with one another.  So hear is my story-or really a girl's- whose name I don't even know-story.
This past Sunday I had just returned from a long visit with my family in Atlanta (pictures from that trip coming later this week).  I was unpacking and getting ready for the week ahead when I realized I had a missed call from a sweet mom in my play group Mandi.  I called her back and could tell she was a little distraught.  Come to find out she was in the car with her sick son Jake returning from Florida earlier than she had planned.  She was visiting her very best friend who had just given birth.  Her friend was in a hospital in the Destin area and had a healthy baby. Yay for that God is good!  But she was really struggling with breast feeding.  She had been informed that lactation resources where unavailable because it was a weekend (WHAT?!)  She had barely been visited by a nurse in a 10 hour period.  Her sweet baby was not latching and the momma was afraid he was not getting enough to eat.  She didn't know what to do and Mandi was equally upset having to leave her friend in this state.  She was calling me to see if I had any advice.  This is a tough one as I am not in the same state as the momma and baby. I gave her what information I could over the phone but suggested she should contact her local Le Leche league chapter for support.  So, while Mandi drove along the highways with her sick baby boy (bless his heart, he really is just the sweetest baby ever)  I looked up the Destin LLLI chapter.  My geography is not so great so we had a bit of trouble trying to figure what county/area chapter we should contact.  So I went with the closest I could get.  That is where we found Michelle.  I gave my friend Mandi Michelle's phone number so she could pass it along to her friend asap.  A day or two later Mandi called me to say that her friend had called Michelle and she came out to her home and helped her and her baby breast feed.  It gave me chills to hear this.  I am attaching the correspondence I shared with Michelle a few days later.  To me this was a perfect example of why it matters to ask for help, to give help and how special the bond between women really is.



Dear Michelle,
You do not know me and for that matter I don't know you either. But our paths recently crossed in a strange way. I live in Birmingham, AL and am a mother to a 17 month old little girl. Through my journey in this mothering process I have experienced a lot of ups and downs. I struggled greatly in the beginning of my breast feeding relationship with Margaret and eventually was diagnosed with PPA/PPD. After coming through this (my daughter and I just mutually weaned) I have become so passionate about helping new mothers. This past summer I even took the DONA postpartum doula training course. Why am I telling you all of this? Well, my friends know me as being slightly obsessed with helping mommas-especially in the way of breast feeding. So this past Sunday I received a call from a mom friend of mine who was returning from visiting her best friend in the Destin area who had just given birth. My friend was clearly upset and did not like the state she had left her friend in. Her friend was really struggling with breast feeding. She had given birth over the weekend and was told lactation support was not really available at this hospital on the weekends and had barely been visited by a nurse in a 10 hour period. Her baby wasn't latching and she was scared that the baby wasn't eating. The last my friend heard was that they were giving this 2 day old full-term healthy baby a bottle. Being in a completely different state and not knowing this mother at all I gave her the best advice I could-Get someone out to the hospital/her home to help her asap. So as my friend drove I pulled out my laptop and opened the LLLC website and searched for the chapter closest to her friend. That is where I found your name and your number. I just heard from my friend this afternoon that you went to this moms house and helped her and her new baby breast feed. She said you were so helpful and kind. I got chills when she told me this. I just wanted to send you a note and let you know that what you do is so important and that you have touched a stranger a few states away!

Thank you,
--
Meghan Hesse Ratliff

Dear Meghan,

I can't tell you how much your email touched me.  I read the email while at a long red light and it touched me so much that I had to pull over into the parking lot because I couldn't see through my happy tears.  I've also sat down several times to write you back but nothing seem adequate or enough for the kind words you said to me.

You know if you are so passionate about breastfeeding then you should think about becoming a leader!!  :)  You would be great at it! :)

I also have taken DONA training but as a birth doula which I have been doing for the last 2 years!  LOVE IT!  

I'm so thankful that you were able to find my information online and send my information to your friend's friend.  She was such a sweet sweet lady!  Her husband was so sweet and caring too and their baby was just precious!  He did latch on and nurse very well while I was there with them.  I plan on calling them tomorrow to make sure he is doing well still.  

THANK you for caring enough to get online to look and THANK YOU again for your very kind and sweet message to me!  I am very grateful!

Thank you,

Michelle

LaLeche League Leader of the Central Panhandle